The Week of Living Intensely

Last week was intense. Like a rich espresso paired with some 80% chocolate, it was both delicious and almost-too-much.

I wrote, taught, presented, read, drew, coded, meditated, socialised and more - throwing myself into what each day held with abandon. There was lots of laughter and plenty of tears. I’ve worked really hard since leaving my job to shape a creative life and it is now definitively coming together (with the small exception of earning money to keep it going!). Last week was a no-holds-barred culmination of many things that had been in the pipeline a long time. Along with the heart-warming wedding of two lovely friends and a spirit-uplifting Zen meditation workshop, I did A LOT:

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Precious Memory

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We hiked all day, climbing higher and higher through the trees via the zig-zag paths, scuffing our boots on dusty rocks. Our packs weighed heavily upon us then, several days into a ten-day hike. 

In retrospect, I chuckle at our youthful enthusiasm for an experience we weren’t really equipped with the fitness for. It was November in New Zealand, 2004. On the first night of the hike, we flung ourselves to the frozen ground in exhaustion, laying down our sleeping bags under an over-hanging crag. If I was ever more cold than I was that night I cannot remember it. We woke to frozen water bottles and got lost that day in snow flurries atop a high mountain. 

But on the day of this precious memory, this day of endless climbing, the cold night was so far away it could have been years. All the worries of the first day had been eroded completely. There was no point in worrying anymore. There was nothing but one foot in front of another. The reliable psalm of constant pain in backs and feet, a chorus with each step. I was warm, no matter the real temperature. I hiked in a tank-top, the fabric between me and my trusty backpack always soaked with sweat. We talked, mostly the two of us. We talked of dreams and plans and the things we looked forward to, how much we missed our family and friends after eleven months away and how we would see them soon soon. On that day, I remember a small bag of fruit chews taking on an inordinate importance as we rewarded each other with the treats for making it just to that tree trunk, just until we could touch that rock, just until we were two zig-zag stretches ahead of the others.

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On and on we trekked and it felt like forever, but it was only seven hours or so, the span of a regular working day. We walked through streams, didn’t care about wet feet by then. We hopped over rocks, rested our backpacks against trees, drank water like it was the nectar of the gods. 

It was getting dusky when we made it to the top of the mountain. To one of those huts you find in New Zealand’s national parks, solidly bare of furnishings but feeling like the Taj Mahal after nights sleeping rough and days walking walking walking. We made blue cheese pasta for dinner. There was no internet, no mobile phone coverage. I lay on the hard pallet in my sleeping bag and read a chapter of a Steven Erikson book by torchlight, chewing one of those glorious fruit chews. I will always remember that moment, pure heaven. To rest after labour, absolute luxury is just some sugar and words while horizontal. 

After dinner, our guide took us all out in the dark with our torches to a spot close to the hut where there were natural hot thermal pools. We were the only people on the mountain, no way to these pools except the seven-hour slog. No changing rooms, bottled water, tiled edges, slides. In the dark, we stripped off all our clothes and got in. The base of the pools was uneven, muddy and silty, the water perfectly warm and steamy and it all felt divine on weary backs and feet and dirty bodies. At night, it was cold cold up there on the mountain, and we kept ourseves beneath the water’s level and laughed with delight. 

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There was a moon, I don’t remember if it was full, but our eyes adjusted and we could see by it after sitting there a while. Our mountain was smaller than the others surrounding it. And suddenly there was a huge cracking sound in the night, and by the light of the moon we could see an avalanche breaking and cascading off down the side of one of the other higher mountains. Maybe we were the only ones to witness it, out there, hours from anything. 

And at that moment I remember feeling very small indeed, like a tiny creature balanced tenderly in the hand of the universe. And although it was cold all around us, I was warm, we were warm. And we raced back to the hut laughing and shivering and slept so well that night. And I thought, this is what life is all about, moments like this, and I brimmed with excitement for the possibility of so many more moments woven of the same stuff.

 

Four Days In Brighton - World Fantasy Convention 2013

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So, I trekked home from Brighton on Sunday night via foot, train, plane, bus and taxi and collapsed in a heap in the most frozen house in Co Dublin at midnight, happy and overwhelmed and inspired and feeling more confident about my story than I have in months. 

It didn't start out that way. Thursday morning, as we got to the airport I was accosted by extreme anxiety. A stray thought that I couldn't remember plugging out the hair straightener rolled on like a katamari until I was a giant ball of tearful worry verging on panic. My hero Dad schlepped out to our house to check and, you know it, all was fine. Of course, I wasn't really worried about the hair straightener, I was worried about taking another step down the writing road and being sent back by some grim gatekeeper. 

Well, no such gatekeeper thrust their pointing finger in my face at WFC13. Rather, it was a parade of one delightful and interesting person after another, from the names I knew and was keen to see such as Scott Lynch, Joe Abercrombie and Damien Walter to the many new names and faces that welcomed me into the fold.

Lots of other people are summing up the weekend via the #wfc13 hashtag on Twitter, so I just want to jot down some of the most useful things I learned and some of the best experiences I had. Sound good?

 

Tidbits of useful stuff culled from notes taken at panels, talks, pubs: 

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  • Apply for Clarion!
  • There are no absolutes in publishing.
  • It took Iain Banks 14 years to get a book deal from the moment of his first submission, 6 novels before “the one”.
  • It is the VOICE that gets the agent, from the front page. The strong, original, gripping, individual voice of the author is the most important thing, everything else can be modified, edited, fixed, etc.
  • You have to hook them by the 7th paragraph: get the biggest ideas out there up front. People won’t read far enough to get to them otherwise. Also, people will buy any old shit on page one that you can’t get away with halfway through the book.
  • Flawed good, complex evil
  • You can do so much when you don’t know the rules! Do whatever the fuck you want, there are no rules.
  • Find the thing you are a geek about and magnify it. For example, Pat Rothfuss is a geek about economy/money so it occurs a lot in his stories, whereas there is no money in LOTR, and Pat Rothfuss never talks about clothes. There is a partnership between reader and writer that supplies the extra details that are not given in the text.
  • All of the world grows around the character. Ask the right questions about the character and the world grows around them.
  • How people curse shows what they think is taboo, what they think is taboo shows what they think is dirty, which is what they are afraid of. So, most of our curses refer to sex. In a different culture, different taboos could lead to different curses that reveal/exude the culture. 
  • Details are clues into what is important in the story, they are areas to focus on for additional information. Don’t over-explain what is ordinary, only draw attention to what is out of the ordinary for the character themselves - a character should stroll right past something that is ordinary in their world but stop with amazement at something that is not usual (even if that thing is something that would be usual in our world).
  • Robin Hobb carried Fitz in her mind for 2-3 years before he was ready to be committed to the page. First person perspective pulls you into the story more.
  • Every chapter must have something in it to remind that it is fantasy. Each chapter is a short story - must have a beginning, middle and end. 
  • Neil Gaiman's speech as he MC'ed the World Fantasy Awards was the absolute best:  "Make the art that only you can make, write whatever the fuck you want, there are no rules." Yeah!

Fun stuff that made me smile inside and out:

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  • Meeting so many amazing people who are all at heart interested in offering up the fantastical to the world, to entertain and enlighten.  A great crowd in the Newbie corner, in the corridors, on the floors, just all over :-)
  • Pat Rothfuss and Scott Lynch feuding on my name badge.
  • Getting a photo of @theallthing with his heroes Joe Abercrombie and Scott Lynch.
  • Chatting with Robin Hobb about Assassin's Apprentice.
  • Kaffeeklatsch with Joe Abercrombie. 
  • Inspirational words of Neil Gaiman and Joe Hill.
  • The most adorable book dedication from Shimon Adaf: "Hope you enjoy it. I've tried, anyway."
  • Arthur Machen themed pub crawl.
  • Late night ghost stories presented by Dr Probert & Thana Niveau.
  • Seeing an uncountable number of authors I love and admire wandering around just being normal humans and exceptionally nice people. 
  • Coming home with stacks of swag.
  • Eating the best burger ever at Burger Brothers in Brighton. 

TL;DR: Fantastic weekend, fantastic people, fantastic stories - time to start saving for next year in Virginia! 

 

 

Review of "Love Is The Law" by Nick Mamatas

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Spoiler alert: I loved this book.

I raced through 43% in one sitting before I was forced to countenance a pee break. This is absolutely compulsive, fingers-bitten-ragged stuff. It has only been a few hours but already I miss pelting helter-skelter through 1989 Long Island in the company of pitch-perfect 19-year-old punk “Golden” Dawn Seliger.

I loved Dawn, a fascinating and believable anti-heroine in a patriarchal world that only respects anti-heroes. She is a tough, smart, disciplined and fearless feminist; a lover of depth over surface.

Mamatas is a master of illustrating character. There were several perfectly succinct descriptors that made me smile with delight, such as: “When he ran a red light, that was the revolution. When he stopped for the next one, that was also the revolution.

We hunt with Dawn as she tries to find out who killed Bernstein (her mentor and lover) and why. For a murder mystery, the intense merging of hard-to-blend Crowleyan magick and Marxism on show in this book is a heady mix. As a lover of all things hermetic and leftie myself, I do wonder how the trad detective-novel brigade have taken to this tale. Are they able to keep up with all the qliphoth and communists?

I will admit that there is something uncomfortable about seeing your own interests and beliefs reflected. Seeing the power (and limitations) of focus and Will. Seeing something personal made political, the esoteric made exoteric, the occult revealed and it doesn't look so great out sunning its warts in the light. “Of course, some might argue that magick is a course in applied psychosis.

As Dawn digs deeper into the mystery, we see that in this world there are no coincidences, all is synchronicity. Everything is tied together in a vast web. Every thing and every person has a role to play. To be honest, I stopped caring who killed Bernstein, I was just raptly enjoying how well everything jigsawed together.

Running through the whole tale is an infectious anger, simmering like the “black thing from the Abyss” that rises within Dawn upon occasion. With the writer as our retro-prophet, viewing the America of today through the lens of the past makes it all the more horrifyingly dystopian:

'By the dawn of the new millennium,' Bernstein told me, 'fucking Ayn Rand will be considered a serious philosopher. Democrats will be pulling off shit that Ronny Ray-gun wets the bed dreaming of – slave labour for welfare mothers, permanent military bases all over the Middle East, torture chambers deep underground, bugs in every phone and office fax machine, computer chips in everything else, and robotic stealth bombers doing all the dirty work. And that will be the liberalism of the epoch.'

We barrel through concepts and ideas that urge further thought, from creating identity through consumption (“But all I was doing was buying, then leaving. I was the worst sort of commodity fetishist; in trying to consume the life I wanted, all I was eating was my own slow death.”) to the logic of the middle class (“But all Long Island is fearful now. What if nuclear war isn't inevitable? How are we going to pay down the mortgages on our homes? That's the logic of the middle class.”).

Every moment, every scene, has its own devastatingly witty lines: “'Because he's a Marxist. And he has money.' 'How do you know he has money?' 'Because he's a Marxist! Poor people on Long Island don't care about Marxism. It's a rich person's hobby, like collecting vintage decoy ducks.'

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The repeated imagery of the Tower tarot card becomes burned into the mind as a sigil for capitalism. All is falling and people are duped into acting against their own best interests: “Boris Yeltsin, a capitalist alcoholic, climbs one of the tanks and gives a stirring speech. Like magick, the troops change sides. The girls go wild, hooting and pumping their fists. They're in fucking prison in capitalist America, and they still believe every stupid lie about freedom the television tells them.

All this and a satisfying end! I finished reading this afternoon with wide eyes and a big smile, energised from the excellent story and curious about the themes, wanting to learn more. The plot always comes first, and the anger and despair drip-fed through the novel is perfectly balanced with humour and Dawn's self-sufficiency.

Is there really no alternative to the status quo? I like to think that we eager readers have been infected, become potential agents of some future revolution, lying in wait for Comrade Mamatas to trip the coded message that will activate us. And I, for one, am ready for the sequel.

*****

 

Coal

From the oral history, we know vision was a luxury in those days. 

Though we laugh to think of a generation feeling their way around our world in the dark.

Though we take our sight for granted now, as we take for granted the sun, the air, the bounty of nature.

It was different for those who went before.

 

When man relied upon the Machine. 

When man built up layers of resistance to discomfort until they solidified around him like granite, making of him a thing apart.

When man was more connected to the Machine than to humanity.

 

The Machine needed to be fed, yes, as we feed ourselves, our children, our animals. 

The Machine ate and ate the rich produce of the earth. 

The Machine gobbled and guzzled and gorged, until a time when man was so dependent on the Machine he couldn’t imagine life without it.

 

Then, the earth would give no more to the Machine. 

No oil, no gas. No coal except the eyes of man. 

In the early days, there were some so desperate they fed one or both eyes to the Machine. 

 

The price went up and up and up. 

There were no limits to what some men would do to others to keep the Machine happy. 

Eye patches told more about a man than the labour of his hands. 

 

The price went up and up and up. 

Came the gangs, grew the gangs. The gangs became the power. 

The power made new rules to favour the Machine over man. 

 

We can barely imagine it now, but even newborns were harvested for their eyes, yes, more valuable than their lives. 

No matter the atrocity, there was never enough to feed the Machine. 

Until one day, the Machine starved to death, and our forefathers cried diamond tears.